Trauma: Why It’s Not What’s “Wrong” With You

You are not your trauma.

When we hear the word trauma, many people think of a big, dramatic event - war, abuse, or a terrible accident. But here’s something important to understand: trauma isn’t the event itself, it’s what happens inside of us as a result of that event.

Think of it this way: two people can go through the same situation, but one may carry deep wounds from it while the other doesn’t. That difference isn’t because one person is stronger or weaker - it’s because trauma is less about what happened and more about how our nervous system was able (or unable) to process and recover from it.

Trauma as an Adaptation

Trauma is actually an adaptation. It’s your body and mind doing their very best to keep you alive and safe when something overwhelming happens.

Think about the character of the Joker: his childhood trauma didn’t simply “hurt” him. It rewired his understanding of safety, belonging, and identity. The neglect, abuse, and humiliation he endured didn’t just cause pain; they forced him to adapt in extreme ways to survive an unsafe world. Over time, those adaptations - emotional numbness, mistrust, distorted thinking - solidified into a worldview where chaos, violence and control became his only perceived defenses.

Of course, the Joker is an exaggerated, fictional example, but he shows us something profound: trauma reshapes perception and coping mechanisms. For many people, these shifts are far more subtle - perhaps becoming guarded in relationships, perfectionistic, or overly self-reliant. Understanding this helps us see that harmful patterns often began as necessary survival strategies, even if they no longer serve us today.

This is why trauma is not a disorder. It’s not a sign that something is “wrong” with you. It’s what happened to you, not who you are.

What Trauma Does to the Nervous System

When something scary, painful, or overwhelming happens, our nervous system reacts with a survival response: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

• If the stress is brief and we feel safe afterward, the body can reset.

• But if there’s no one to help us calm down, or if the stress keeps happening, our system gets stuck on alert.

  
  

This means the body keeps acting as if the danger is still happening even if it was years ago. That “undigested” stress is what we call trauma.

Over time, this can show up as:

• Emotional symptoms: anxiety, depression, dissociation, constant stress, feeling numb or disconnected.

• Physical symptoms: gut issues, hormone imbalances, chronic fatigue, autoimmune problems.

• Behavioral patterns: addictions, unhealthy coping strategies, or repeating the same painful cycles in relationships.

  
  

Micro-Traumas Count Too

You don’t need a “big” event to carry trauma. Even small moments like raising your hand in class and  being laughed at can leave an imprint if no adult helped you process the feelings at the time.

These “stress contractions” may seem small in isolation, but when they build up, they can turn into anxiety, PTSD-like symptoms, or addictions.

This is why trauma exists on a spectrum. We’re all somewhere on it. For some, it’s subtle stress and people-pleasing. For others, it’s more overt - depression, destructive patterns, or addiction.

Triggers: Why We React the Way We Do

Triggers happen when something in the present reminds our body of a past event. A look, a comment, even a tone of voice can send the nervous system right back to that original moment of overwhelm.

Suddenly, you’re not just reacting to what’s in front of you…you’re reliving what happened before. This is why you might feel flooded with shame, anger, or fear “for no reason.”

It’s not irrational. It’s your body trying to protect you.

The Stories Trauma Creates

When survival stress gets stuck, it doesn’t just live in the body - it shapes how we see ourselves. We may start believing painful stories like:

• I’m not safe.

• I’m not worthy.

• There’s something wrong with me.

• The world is dangerous.

  
  

These beliefs aren’t truths - they’re survival adaptations. They helped us make sense of what happened at the time, but if they stay with us, they limit how we live.

Why Talking Alone Isn’t Enough

Many people try to heal with mindset work or positive thinking. While helpful, it’s like trimming the branches of a tree - the roots are still there, and the branches eventually grow back.

The root is the stored stress in the nervous system. The body needs to experience safety and regulation, not just words, in order to truly heal.

Moving Toward Healing

Healing trauma isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about helping your body and nervous system realise that the danger is no longer here.

This looks like:

• Learning how to regulate your stress responses.

• Creating safety in your body.

• Gently integrating the “orphaned” parts of yourself you had to push away in order to survive.

• Building compassion for the adaptations that once kept you alive.

• And if you are open to doing spiritual healing - I’ve found Jesus to be the greatest healer for trauma - it’s a process to want to get to that point if you not currently open to Jesus.  All the steps before are important and necessary. To heal I've found we need the nutrients, emotional processing and God. When we do it all, we will heal.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in repeating patterns, overwhelmed by triggers, or weighed down by anxiety and depression, it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

It means your body has been carrying survival stress for too long, and it hasn’t yet had the chance to complete the healing cycle.

Trauma is not what’s wrong with you. It’s what happened to you. And with the right support, your nervous system can learn to feel safe again.

✨ You are not your trauma. You are the wisdom and resilience that comes after that having come though it… imagine if you healed it, what comes after that??? ;) Let yourself dream as it is possible. 

Xxx Hannah